“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
– Eckhart Tolle
The inner critic can be so loud we’re forced to listen; Who do you think you are? You can’t do this, why bother? Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. You think it’s all about you. .
According to Tara Mohr in her book, “Playing Big – Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead,” the inner critic usually has some of the following qualities:
Says harsh, rude, mean things.
Black/white, yes/no thinker.
The voice of reason.
The voice of, “You aren’t ready yet. You aren’t good enough.”
The voice of body-perfectionism.
The tape running automatically in your head.
A broken record – rehashes a few core narratives.
Irrational, but persistent.
The one-two punch – attacks with critical thoughts, then shame.
Takes inspiration from and echoes the voices of critical people in your life.
Here’s a summary from Tara’s chapter on the inner critic:
– We all have inner critics.
– The inner critic’s voice is not the core of who you are. The core you is the you of your talents, your aspirations, and your desire to express and receive love in the world in your unique way.
– The goal isn’t to get rid of your inner critic. The goal is to learn how to hear those crazy thoughts and self-doubts, know them for what they are, and not let them determine what you do.
– The inner critic is worried about keeping you safe – it doesn’t want you to take risks and it doesn’t care whether you’re fulfilled along the way. – The foundational tool for dealing with the inner critic is to recognize the inner critic when it shows up and name it for what it is.
The inner critic knows how to push our buttons, and knows the secret passageways into our uncertainty. When I need to quiet down my inner critic I take a deep breath and say, “Thanks for your feedback, but I’ve got this.” What follows is a period of discomfort, because I’m not really sure if I’ve got this. The only way to find out is to jump. No matter what the outcome I’ve already succeeded, simply by trying.
How do you deal with your inner critic?