Blog, My Stories

I Found More Than I Expected To…

October 14, 2020
Couple, wedding day, Santa Fe

“I am a rambling man
I’ve been around the world
searching for a place where I’d be free
I was still looking when you came into my life
another free soul who could share the road with me

I’ve wandered around the world looking for a home
I found more than I expected to
That it doesn’t really matter where I go to sleep
I know I’m home if I wake up next to you.”
– Cradoc Bagshaw, On The Road

In January, 1988 I took a five-day workshop called the Awakening Heart in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
On the third day, when the facilitator announced a fifteen-minute break, I stood up to leave the large conference room, but my inner voice said, ‘Walk across the room.’
Like a salmon swimming upstream, I pushed against the flow of two hundred people heading for the exit. The voice said, ‘Stop here. Ask this person for a hug.’
A tall stranger stood in front of me. “That last exercise was tough,” I said. “Can I have a hug?”
“Of course.” His deep sonorous voice buzzed with honeybees, fireflies and possibility. I wanted to catch the sound in a jar and keep it forever. The man wrapped his arms around me and held me like I was something he’d lost, but found again. He smelled like every cardamom spiced Christmas cake my mother ever made, smelled like home, like a place I wanted to live.
After a minute I pulled away. His startling blue eyes stared down at me. His lips broke into a lopsided smile like Elvis, one front tooth slightly larger than the other. I wasn’t looking at him. It was more like I was recognizing him. I wanted to say to this man, “Oh, there you are. What took you so long to find me?”
Still I walked away wondering which of my friends I should match him up with, even though my inner voice shouted, ‘You just met your future husband.’
I’m glad I listened to that inner voice and didn’t hook Cradoc up with any of my friends. I knew my life would never be boring with him – and it hasn’t been. Today is our thirty-first wedding anniversary. I’m grateful for each hug, for every moment we’ve spent together, and for the gift of love I found in this lifetime.

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