“The old dreams were good dreams; they didn’t work out but I’m glad I had them.”
– Robert James Waller
Yesterday was the half marathon in Porto. Seeing the runners reminded me that bucket lists need to be dumped out every few years to see if what’s in them still rings true to who we’ve become. Twenty years ago I trained to run a half marathon. Two weeks before the race we left on a last minute trip to Spain. I figured I would run the distance there, but it rained every day and I never ran. Running a half marathon remained on my bucket list for years – until three years ago when I trained to walk the half marathon in Vancouver. As soon as I showed up at the race I knew it was the wrong race to join. Among the sleek uber runners there were only a few other walkers.
Instead of feeling good about my endeavor the more I walked, the worse it was; I felt out of shape, my feet hurt, I was carrying too much stuff, and, I was mostly alone. Many hours later, all the runners long gone, I reached the part of Vancouver near where I lived. I had about three more miles to go. I walked on torn between my need to push on to finish what I started, and my desire to let go of an old dream. All my life I’d pushed myself beyond my comfort zone and in that moment I simply didn’t feel like pushing any longer. I took off my sneakers and walked home barefoot and happy with my decision.
On my recent road trip in Spain I saw many pilgrims walking the Camino de Santiago. This walk has been on my bucket list for a long time. But not any longer. When I saw that the route went along busy highways with no shoulders, when I saw the tiny towns you pass through and the lack of healthy food, when I heard the distance some people had to walk without water, when I heard the stories about how many pilgrims get hit by cars each year I dumped the Camino de Santiago out of my bucket. What I really want to do is take long distance walks on trails in nature, the place I always feel closest to heaven.
I may have dumped things out of my bucket, but it’s already been refilled with plenty of new dreams.
