“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
– Anna Taylor
Empathic people (known as empaths) feel responsible for, and absorb, other people’s emotions and physical symptoms. They do everything they can to keep the peace and not rock the boat. What they feel doesn’t matter. All my life I felt it was my job to make my mother happy, a thankless job that never worked out for her, or me. A scene in a movie woke me up to my empath behavior. A daughter in her fifties who’d lived with her healthy mother her whole life, finally said, “I gave up everything for you.” And the mother said, “I never asked you to.”
Being empathic isn’t a bad thing, but taking on another person’s pain is. Empathy means, “in feeling.” While sympathy means, “with feeling.” And apathy means, “without feeling.” A balance is needed between these three emotions. How often do we feel the need to help, save, or support others who’ve often never even asked for, appreciated, or wanted, our help.
A Letter from an Empath – written by Shahida Arabi says it best.
While I love to help others, I’m not responsible for fixing your life or catering to your toxicity. I’m not responsible for managing your triggers, walking on eggshells or telling you what you want to hear in order to keep the peace. I am not your emotional punching bag, nor am I your emotional sponge. I do not exist for your pleasure or as a site for your projected pain. My responsibility is to maintain healthy boundaries, especially with those who are unhealthy.
